just a blip

It’s alright really. I’ll be happy again. Just another blip on the long road of disappointments. I was being histrionic and cryptic, and what better place to do that than on a personal weblog? : )

Big rainstorm just started, heavy booming, rattling the house, electric flashes of lightning. Just in time to pick up the kids at school. I guess the dance-in (strange local politics) this evening won’t be happening. I was looking forward to it.

failing

Fuck everything I said about being happier than I’ve ever been before. I knew it wouldn’t last.

can I have some time alone?

— Matilda and me, watching the Paperhand Puppet Intervention show at the Forest Theater last Friday.

And I have posted more photos on Flickr this morning, including documentation of cupcakes! pizza! 1st day of kindergarten! Playmobil! Meriza! Kill Rock Stars!

I am in between jobs this week, so I am currently at home, and the children are at school and Sean is at work, and it is sooooo strange to be here alone. I have great plans for this week, though. I would like to attack the attic and get rid of extra stuff. I would like to watch more Buffy the Vampire Slayer (still only in season 2). I would like to finish some knitting projects. I would like to clean the house. I would like to read books. I would NOT like to spend money. I realized half our income this last summer went towards childcare. Oh yeah, THAT’s why there’s not as much money as I thought there’d be in my checking account.

I saw these shoes the other day at Hudson Belk. I really, really want them. Perhaps they will be onsale in the autumn, when I’ll really need some new shoes rather than just idly covet new shoes.

And I am so happy. Things really are coming together. (I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.) There are so many things in life that cause me joy right now, so much that is perfect and well-fitting. It’s almost a little scary, to be so happy.

Postcards and letters will be forthcoming. I’d started to forget how nice it was to scratch words onto paper.

song o’ the day

ballboy – “Where Do the Nights of Sleep Go To When They Do Not Come To Me?”

and there’s a memory in your heart
and it’s a terrifying thing
it remembers all the people
all the people you’ve betrayed
and the people that you failed
because you were not brave enough
or you panicked and you ran
or you were not brave enough

This band is a newish favorite of mine. A lot of their songs have a very anthemic quality to them, and all their songs have clever lyrics. This song is a particular joy for me because the drumbeat is exactly the beat I like to keep when walking to/from work/the bus stop. And so it has been a frequent headphone companion the past week.

Boyracer

I’m listening to songs on Boyracer’s myspace page and wondering why I never really liked them before, because as far as I can tell right now, they are AWESOME.

And I’m reading their website, and releases they have available and wondering how this is even possible:

YORKSHIRE SOUL $4.00
8 track pink vinyl 7″ on Yellow Mica Recordings, Sweden.

Um…8 tracks. On a 7″? Wow.

Today has been amazingly good. I am in the best mood. I have happy news coming down the pipeline to relate shortly.

song o’ the day

Belle and Sebastian – “The Stars Of Track and Field”

You only did it so that you could wear
Your terry underwear
And feel the city air
Run past your body.

I recently discovered that the style and brand of underwear I have been wearing the last 5+ years is no longer in production, which was quite a surprise, as now I have had to delve once again into the curious world of women’s underwear. Things have changed a lot. Hipsters. Boy-cut. Tangas. And so on. I’ve tried a few things and have been pretty much dissatisfied with them all. Nevertheless, I got a kick out of seeing terry underwear for sale, and so I purchased a pair, which I am wearing today. The fit’s not quite to my tastes (although I do like how the “full back coverage” is not exactly quite full), but I am amused.

three things

It is a never-ending annoyance to me that judgment is spelled the way that it is, without that extra “e.” Everytime I see the word I think about how annoying that is.

UNC is back in session. This year I am ten years older than the freshmen.

I really can’t stand noodling guitars in songs that go on forever. But I adore songs that drone with guitar feedback. What is the difference between the two? One is a sustained blast of sound, the other moves around too much?

song o’ the day

Rigas – “Stench Of You”

What is worse –
the smell of me
or the stench of you?

Another Swedish band, from Årsta. This song came to me from a delicious mix put together by Cathleen. I was chatting with someone just the other day about a genre I made up in my head to classify a particular style of song I like, indiediscodancepop, and this song would be a prime example. I dare anyone to listen to it and not at least bob their head. There’s this particularly enjoyable elastic whoop-whoop sound going throughout the song, plus fun keyboards.

The band has this song, and others, to download on its website.

readers

This is week three of Staying Home With Tallulah While Maintaining My 40 Hour Work Week. Today, I really want to just sit at a table at Weaver Street Market or the Open Eye with a book. And I can’t wait until Tallulah can be persuaded to do the same thing, to sit with me, reading her own book, while I read my own book. We could read and drink our drinks together. Someday soon…

Kindergarten starts next week. I visited the school yesterday for orientation. The school is much nicer than my school was, although I have no complaints about my elementary school. The playground is bordered by large stands of trees, which makes a lovely visual backdrop. The playground at my school was bordered by a row of enormous eucalyptus trees and a chain-link fence, and beyond it the wind would whip across the sands of naval radar listening base from the ocean. My school playground, in my memories, is very white-yellow and baked with that California sun. Tallulah’s school’s playground is lush and green. Her school has a science lab, a music room, a library, an art room, an outdoor classroom, a bird-watching platform, gardens, etc. I’m impressed.

It’s not surprising that I felt out of place among the other parents at the orientation. At this point, I don’t know if I feel out of place because I expect to feel out of place, or if it’s because I really am out of place. Regardless, I’m starting to feel a little wistfully sad that the sorts of people I like to hang out with, the clever, caring, interesting, amusing, excited people, seem to be the sorts of people who do not expect to have children (with a few very noteworthy exceptions). Which is a perfectly valid, upstanding choice, to not have children. And yet, for my own selfish reasons, I wish I knew a lot more other adults who were the sort of people I am fond of, who were also parents.

song o’ the day

the Pipettes – “Pull Shapes”

I just want to move; I don’t care what the song’s about.

I woke up at 5 this morning, with this song banging through my head. I couldn’t fall back to sleep. Nor could I get it out of my head.